Zevulon Ideas Library, Media Database, and More

I used to be very concerned (possibly until very recently) with thinking abstractly. Maybe because I thought it was cool, but maybe because I also felt the need to prove I had something to say, without being in a place of knowing how to say it. I liked to take big ideas, mash them together into a huge idea, and say “Look what I can do!” And that was enough for me. My attention to detail was no where near refined. Though perhaps I had aptitude, I had next to no skill. Now as I embark on a reinvigorated intellectual journey, I find my self trying to learn how to aim so that I can clearly hit my mark. A specific mark. No just throwing a boulder at the entire target. I’ve always enjoyed writing, buts its taken a long time to realize that It can just be fun. It doesn’t have to be such a grave and important activity. When I was in my schooldays, I was so uninterested by being taught, that I never actually got around to knowing how to say what I wanted to. So that by the time I got to college, I was always just kind of stuck on the genius of genesis. Now, I aim to become particular, but I think the only way to do that with any certainty, is for the time being is to write constantly, and then read when Im not writing. The hardest part of this process is the accountability to actually follow through. That’s why Im here, writing to you. I’ve invented another, outside of me, who isn’t really outside of me, and Im asking you to simply read what I have written. But theres nothing to read if it hasn’t been written yet. So here I am, trying to write. Its hard knowing how to write. For two days now I’ve been trying to write, but I haven’t been able to fully string all of my ideas together.

Let me tell you about my day yesterday: I woke up with the intention of writing. But I was hungover and didn’t feel great. When I tried to sit down and focus after breakfast and coffee, I couldn’t arrange the ideas in my head. Note to self, don’t plan to write in the morning if you’ve been drinking. Though, while writing felt impossible, reading felt much more achievable. Great, at least Im being productive. Mike Davis is understandable but always a bit challenging. Or at least this Mike Davis book is. Im realizing thats maybe a place I need to be in more often. And to just take my time, even if its hard. Often when its hard I have the feeling of I just want it to end. I think I have to learn to revel in struggle, that if something is hard it means its worth continuing to work on it, because the end result will be that much more fruitful. But that was not something I knew yesterday. So I put Mike Davis down and read Mary Gaitskill instead. A literal walk in the park. But that was really a side quest and I thought I should get back on track. I started perusing through maps on Wikimedia, one of which I’ve been trying to write about. However, I then ended up pouring through an internet archive scan of the Annual Commissioners’ Reports of Prospect Park, from the parks first 12 years, and screen shotting maps to save for my records. I read a bit of the reports as well which was useful. I’ve been trying to improve my comprehension 19th century texts (lol).That all ended up culminating in me making this really dumb meme from one of the maps in the book:

After that I went to the kitchen for a snack, and then proceeded to go on my phone. And thats how I spent my afternoon. I completely blacked out and have no memory of what I was looking at, but next thing I knew it was 6pm and I had to go to band practice. Later when I got home I called my dad and we ended up having a long discussion about our various intellectual curiosities, and the state of world affairs, and living through history, and dealing with trauma. It was actually a really wonderful conversation. I even told him about you. After that, I practically collapsed into slumber.

Let me tell you about my day today: I woke up early for work. Ate breakfast, coffee, the usual routine. Rushed out the door and did my trot across Crown Heights to the botanic garden. Its always a race, but today I was on time. After arriving to the ticket booth, I dove right into trying to write again. The morning was cold and grey, so I wasn’t really that busy with actual work. Of course I just went right back to perusing maps. Which is good fun, and also worth the time, its just not what I set out to do. I feel like Im in a place where I should be writing some of my observations down at least. Thats kind of the whole point of all this.  

Anyway, now Im here, writing all of this down instead of writing what I actually want to be writing. Where is the disconnect? Why is it so hard to know how to say what it is you want to say? I think I only wrote this all down to prove to myself that I could write anything at all. And you know what it worked, I can. I guess this is all an exercise in the end. Not just what Im writing now, but writing in general. Each moment builds on the last and refining never ends. My thoughts will only get more precise with time. For now it must be enough to just start and finish. Set out to say something and then see it through to the end. I think thats what Ive done here today.

My apologies if this is of interest to no one…